In the first of many #FraggleTales, our hero says good bye to someone special…
I will talk about anything. Seriously – you can’t get me to shut up sometimes. I have discussed drugs, sex, abuse, cancer, personal trauma, my bowel movements, my children, and every other topic both here and in public at loud volume. Except one. There is one topic I don’t talk about. Just one…
Her name was Dawn-Marie, but many knew her as Fraggle. She was my second wife. She was the mother of my children. She was one of my great loves of my life.
She passed away this week.
How do I eulogize someone who brings up so many conflicting emotions? How can I sing the praises of someone who has caused me so much pain? How can I remember the love, and not all the bad stuff?
Because I finally understand the meaning behind something I have been saying for years. It is a quote from Jim Morrison – “Death makes angels of us all.” In death, we become the purest version of ourselves. All our sins and misgivings are washed away, and we are elevated to the highest pillars.
So instead, I am going to tell a Tale I haven’t told before – how a chance meeting changed everything…
At my very first event – that first Dark Skies in 2005 – I was wandering around falling in love with this thing I had spent my life looking for. As the band (The Mutaytor) was playing, I wandered over to a table set up with a pretty girl in a lavender corset serving shots.
“What are you serving?” I asked.
“Flaming Fraggles,” she replied.
“What’s in it?” I asked.
“Secret,” she replied. “Want one?”
“Duh,” I replied. She poured a few liquids into a silver shot glass, spritzed it with something, put a lighter to it causing a flame, and then sprinkled something on top. The flames sparked and then she blew it out. She had one and handed me the other.
“No one drinks alone,” she said, taking a second one for herself. We did the shots, which was like warm pie. I thanked her and went about my evening. I wandered some more, but decided to go back to see her. I was hoping to either get fucked or get fucked up.
She was still where I had seen her before. I had a few more shots with her and sat down to chat. Her name was Fraggle, if I hadn’t determined that from her shot. She was a San Diego Burner, friends with the band and the event producer. She informed me early on that she had a boyfriend.
Damn. So we drank the parts of her signature shot and talked about Burning Man. She told me about all the wonder and amazement and theme camps and everything that was awaiting me. I told her about how I had looked for this my whole life.
Eventually, her boyfriend came over and took her back to camp. But I never forgot the things she said. She became the epitome of what I wanted my life to be. A couple of years later, I found her on another social site and thanked her for inspiring me to becoming a bigger part of my community. I said at the end “you may not remember me, but I will never forget you.”
Some time after that – she told me she was coming to the next Dark Skies (2007) and asked if I knew any hot, hetero guys for her to get slut-tacular with. I replied, “do you think I’m ugly or gay?”
The rest… as they say… is history…
There are so many stories I have never told about her. So many wonderful memories pushed aside by so many bad ones. I removed her parts from my stories because I couldn’t reconcile the woman who I loved so much, who was so instrumental in who I am today, with the person who made so many lives into nightmares.
Some of you knew her and knew the love I had for her. I wish that the rest could have met her sooner. When she was lucid and in control, she was wonderful! When the Addiction didn’t have control. And even after all these years, I still held out hope that one day she would win the fight against the darkness, and I would cheer loudest of all.
But now… I get to decide how she will be remembered. I get to tell those Tales, for not only you, dear reader, but for her greatest legacy, her sons. They remember more than she thought they would. But highlighting all the good stuff, focusing on her legacy as a Burner and what that means for them – they will hopefully see her in that positive light.
Rest in peace, Fraggle. We love you and will miss you.