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Out of Nowhere

In today’s #RandyTales, our hero discusses situational awareness and wonders where the hell *she* came from…

One of my favorite interactions with people is when I know something about something happening in their life that isn’t publicly or even casually known. They say “how did you know that?” “I’m muthafuckin’ Santa!” is my standard reply. I would like to say that I do have some omnipresent sense, but let’s all be honest – I would use this for far more nefarious purposes than who you are fucking.

The truth is that I have a good sense of network situational awareness. Situational awareness is having a better than average grasp of your environment. Who is around you, what are the escape routes, who is entering the situation, listening to conversations around you, etc… This is due to 30 years of going from crisis to crisis – yay trauma response. Network situational awareness is just that – awareness of not only your immediate situation but other situations that could touch your immediate situation.

Because I have so many people I look after, my network situational awareness is pretty extensive. Not only of what is happening, but who is coming in and out of your lives… or other places. I want to know who has hurt you so NO ONE does that to someone else – especially if that person is in my orbit. But I also want to know who is enhancing your world.

So when this new Goddess walked into my life – I had NO FUCKING IDEA she even existed. So much for all that situational awareness bullshit!

I had decided to NOT get into anything else for a while. I needed to work on me rather than anyone else’s idea of “me”. I found my future Art Director before the resolution to Fraggle & I’s situation-ship. And Fraggle & I got together in a spectacularly quick fashion. Anyone else see a pattern here?

But is it really a bad thing? Our brains are conditioned to question positives in less than ideal situations. We look back on those situations and attribute the bad things to the origin point rather than pattern of negative reactionary interactions over the relationship. The origin story is often the purest part of the narrative. You haven’t had a chance to fuck anything up yet!

Yay trauma responses!

A chance meeting at a pool party has shifted my world – again. I smile genuinely a lot more now. I have cut out the “additions” that were giving me a chemical boost to my emotional state. I have begun to heal 40 year old wounds that I had written off as scars. I find myself questioning this maniac energy only to realize this is happiness. Not to say I wasn’t happy before, but this is a new happiness that comes from a positive place within. And I wouldn’t be here without all of these amazing women.

So, will we see the return of #SappySanta posts? Dunno yet. I rarely say “no” to anything. This thing between the Goddess & myself isn’t a secret – though we both joke that neither of us has any desire to label whatever it is. I won’t shy away from saying all the wonderful things about her. However, I am enjoying building this thing behind the scenes. I enjoy going out with her, our banter, our conflict resolution, watching her enter into this world I have been a part of for more than half her life, and the quiet moments together. I think I am going to be a little selfish for a while. Not even a little sorry.

Every dog has its day. Good dogs get two. And maybe this old dog has more than few left in him.

Let’s fuck around and find out!