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Guy Card

In today’s #RandyTales, our hero uses his guy card… and it gets declined…

At some point, I was issued a “guy card” – that fictional piece of paper that says I can do “guy” things… whatever the fuck those are.  This was most likely a clerical error.  What basic skills I have are self taught.  When judged by my home/car maintenance skills, I am a horrible example of manhood.  But – I am always trying to be better.

For Christmas, I bought Nana one of those bidet add-ons for her toilet.  I got the warm & cold water kind which said something to the effect that anyone can install it.  I am rarely in the “anyone” category, but decided that even with my rudimentary skills, I should be able to install it.  And it will save on toilet paper.  And I have heard what some of you fuckers do in Nana’s bathroom.

Six months later – I finally got around to doing it.  I got all my tools together and began to work.  Now – when I say “all my tools”, I don’t have some massive toolbox.  But I do have the basics covered.  I do have wrenches and drills and various connecting things.  And Bob Villa did show me how all these things are to be used.

The first bit when rather well.  I got the hot water ran and then went to hook up the cold water.  As I turned the wrench, the water valve broke.  Now – I did shut off the valve so no I was not getting doused in water.  But now I needed to replace the water valve.

Bob Villa and his YouTube channel showed me what I needed to know, and I went to my nearby hardware store, bought what I needed, and came back to tackle this new “project”.  As I turned off the water to the house, the shut off valve broke. 

At this point, my old self would have lost his shit, began cussing at everything, and been in a foul mood.  I have come a long ways since then.  I realized that I needed help.  Now – I have friends who have PLATINUM guy cards.  And I could have called one of them to come rescue me… especially when I said that I broke Nana’s toilet.  I know where I rank in that popularity contest.

But this was something that I had committed to doing.  So I called a plumber.  They came out, replaced the valve, and even helped me finish the bidet install.  The visit cost more than the bidet did, but it was something that needed to be done, done right, and be one less thing for me to worry about later.

So I am not a great example of masculinity.  So what?  We’re learning that it isn’t a binary argument.  I may not be able to do the same things as other guys… or even some lesbians I know.  I know when to ask for help, before making a small problem get bigger.  And I am proud that I will NEVER have my masculinity prefaced by the word “toxic”. 

But I may sing “Toxic” in a school girl skirt.  Let’s see Bob Villa do that!

BTW – you people with just the cold water bidet have holes of steel!  I tried the cold water only and FUCK THAT!  My butthole needs some warmth… yeah, totally not your average guy…