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Katie Morgan is my spirit animal

In today’s #RandyTales, our hero plays the Name Game and declares Katie Morgan is his new spirit animal…

Alright – I rarely fangirl *SQQQQWWEEEEEE* over… well… anything really. It isn’t my an attractive trait at my age and I don’t always have my pigtails in… which doesn’t make it more attractive. But occasionally, I get into situations where I do stand in a little nervous anxiety.

Which is when I let Santa drive the Chaos Engine.

My friend & fellow mythical creature, Dr. Sexpot, invited me and the Art Director to a little gathering at her house. An intimate affair by a woman who can play the ukulele and ride a Sybian, where her partner, Dr. Viking, tempted us with a variety of smoked meats and a substance called “Seduction Sauce” which resulted in many offers to fellate the man. FYI – I did not actually suck him off, much to the Art Director’s relief. Dr. Sexpot told me that two of her friends would be there: Katie & Evan. And did I know who they were.Katie & Evan… as in Katie Morgan & Evan Stone. Go ahead and Google them if you feel the need. Yes, the subjects of many masturbatory sessions over the years would be introduced to me, who is the antithesis of what you want to imagine while rubbing one out. But like all people I meet, Ii would be my normal charming self… or whatever Santa had in mind.We arrived at the party and were being social. Aside from the AVN award winners, there were a lot of other people I hadn’t had much interaction with. And new names to try to remember. I like playing the Name Game – a person’s name is given meaning in our interactions with people of that name over the years. And you will see a pattern. Guys named “Larry” tend to be a little creepy in my experience. Girls named “Amanda” are often times very brash (also insane) and worthy of a Snark Master’s adoration. I already have a mismatched set of “Katie” & “Evan”, but you can imagine how those interactions would go. And if you want to test that in your own life – think of every “Randy” you have known.So when I meet someone with an unusual name, it is a process to establish a new contestant in the “Name Game”. I got to spend time talking with a friend of mine’s new partner who I hadn’t gotten to know. I am not sure I will encounter someone with that name, but if it does happen they will have a place in my life.We were a few minutes into the party when Mr. Stone made some oddball comment about popularity (see previous paragraphs for context and use “Evan”). I quickly retorted, “There are days I have seen your dick more than my own!” This immediately had two effects – that I was really funny and that I didn’t give a shit who they were. Santa was more of a celebrity than they were. At least, more infamous in that circle.As the night went on, I started to really adore Katie. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve masturbated to the woman many times over the years. But that’s just her job. She was brash and snarky and an amazing storyteller. Sound like anyone else you know, dear reader? The good doctor was pretty spot on knowing how well two of her friends from the Venn diagram intersection of her friend groups would get along. She told a story about her phone being stolen. Now – I’m always one for a good story especially coming from a pretty naked woman sitting next to me. I actually recorded it because it was SOOO good. And I did ask if I could play in on Santa’s show. Apparently, our soul contract does come with a review clause so she said if she didn’t like the audio, she would do it live on my show sometime.On the Art Bell / Howard Stern scale of my radio show, sometimes I do swing a little more Howard Stern. Probably should invest in a Sybian.At one point, Katie wanted me to put my contact information into her phone. Yeah – a world famous pornstar actually handed me her phone. And she is new here, not understanding what I could do with such power. So – I did what I would do typically do in this situation… I quoted Prince lyrics to her. New friends are always a blessing. They come when life determines it. They are complimentary rather than replacement of friends whose paths have diverged from mine. They are a reminder of how amazing my life is and that nothing should ever be ordinary. I am excited about what come next.Aside from more masturbating… *winks seductively at Dr. Viking*

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